Under the Sea

The voice in my head kept telling me it was a disaster in waiting, but I also knew I couldn’t quit without even trying – I had to make this attempt to overcome my biggest fear. The vast expanse of greenish blue, occasionally silvery gray that meets the sky at the horizon always captivates me and fills me with awe. Sometimes gently lapping the shoreline and sometimes thundering, frothing, crashing into the rocks, the ocean seems to alternate between a gentle soothsayer and a furious villain. I am always wary, imagining the waves will swallow me whole!

As 2021 drew to a close, armed with two shots and a booster to battle COVID, we finally decided to leave the confines of home. It was a few days before Christmas, and we were on a snorkeling trip off the coast of beautiful Maui. The sky was overcast, the wind blowing hard and the water choppy, unusually so as our captain told us when our boat headed out from Maalaea harbor for a 3 hour snorkeling tour. As we sat wrapped in our thin So Cal cotton sweaters – a bad choice of outerwear against the cold wind, I was wondering what I had gotten myself into. “Mom, you have to do this! We will help you.” I trusted they would help, but seriously doubted my own ability.

We paid extra for wet suits and soon we were the “Kulkarnis in Black”. No selfies though, as by now our smartphones were safely ensconced in sealed plastic bags, tucked away deep in our backpacks. They were more protected from the elements than we were, I thought wryly. I listened intently as Emily, the cheerful young instructor on board ran through the basics of snorkeling, showing us how to wear the goggles, put the mouthpiece and breathe through our mouths. All seemed well while we were on the boat, now “parked” about two football fields away from the shore.

The swimmers put on their flippers and got off the boat with their floating devices, a yellow belt with a plastic clasp fastened around their waists. Some took swimming noodles and made their way to the reef to see the wonders on the ocean floor.

I gingerly descended the ladder into the water, first holding the rail for dear life and then was hanging on to the rope that stretched across the left and right ladders at the stern. The water was somewhat cold, very choppy and at 44 feet deep I could not bring myself to let go of the rope. Even as I could see young children, my own two teenagers, and other adults exploring the coral reef, I was not prepared to let go. The crew on board were supportive, but their role did not include swimming with the tourists. I could not take the leap of faith and rely on the floatation belt around my waist to take me to the shore, and as I later learnt I really needed to know to swim to help fight the current on the way back. So, there I was still by the boat holding on tightly to the rope, putting my face into the water and seeing no wonders!

When we headed back to the harbor, we were lucky to catch sight of some whales breaching. It was a small consolation, as I thought about my failed my ZNMD (*) test and was feeling sheepish about this encounter with the ocean. Back home, as we rang in the new year, some friends had differing perspectives about my “failure”. They pointed to me the fact that I had at least tried to immerse in the experience and face my fears – if one doesn’t even attempt then the chances of success are zero. To try and fail is better than not to have tried at all!

~AK Irvinekar

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(*) Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara (roughly translated as You Only Live Once; a popular Hindi movie which includes an ocean dive) https://www.netflix.com/title/70202336